ruthradley's posterous

Yep its true, I have been here for just over 4 years!! I can hardly believe it! Time does indeed fly!

And what a 4 years it’s been. I won’t lie, it’s been flipping tough at times. I also won’t lie and let you think it’s all tough! It has been an amazing time! I actually forget I am in Africa, I forget my friends are African – this is where I live and these are who my friends are! What have  I learnt or experienced though....ohhhh, so much!

I have eaten grasshoppers, flying ants and even some kind of intestines of animals and fish heads (not yet fish eyes though)...sometimes it’s been hard, but I’ve managed it (actually, the first 2 have been fine!!! Quite enjoyable, apart from legs stuck in your teeth!) I am regularly the only white face in amongst many Africans....and don’t notice till I see photos of the event afterwards! I have done aerobics in 35+ heat for an hour dripping – but somehow still alive, I have had a plane flight for 4 hours, and ended up where I started from (too dangerous to land on the mud airstrip in a thunder and lightning storm!) I have learnt that the African saying is indeed true ‘westerners have the watch, but we have the time’ and have learnt a lot about ‘waiting and being’, not ‘rushing and achieving’, I no longer panic when things are lost such as air tickets – they always turn up! I have discovered that people are not late in Africa, there is always a reason, people have been working hard in the fields first, or someone has been sick and been taken to the clinic, yet many westerners do not take the time to ask why, i have discovered I can bathe in a crazily small amount of water,  and that I can use one lot of water up to 4 times before it waters the plants in the garden, I have discovered that even without language, communication can happen – usually with a lot of laughter and bits of frustration! I am a dab hand now at starting a car when it’s being pushed, I have baked a million cakes in my ad-hoc oven, I have had marriage proposals (even for 200 cows)! I have laughed a lot, cried a lot and loved being in heaven-like times chilling with friends of many different nations! I have been present at the birth of a new nation, hearing the celebratory noises on the night the results were announced, and feeling the happiness and joy of receiving real freedom. I have sat, reclined under mango trees eating the delicious fruits in abundance, laughing and chatting with friends. Although no children of my own, I have been honoured to name 2 beautiful little boys, I have battled rats & bats in my house – thankfully no snakes, and discovered that the mossies like a taste of Northern English blood. I have encountered snakes on a few occasions, and discovered I can run backwards faster than one could slither forwards! I have got over some of our UK cultural ways, I enjoy standing holding hands with a friend as we talk, and I am ALLOWED here to drink from my plate and eat with my fingers! I have travelled miles squashed with up to 16 people in a landcruiser, and got the car stuck here and there! I have the most amazing friends who teach me much, and I have started to understand what real freedom means. Writing this makes me realise just how different cultures are. The reason we think something is better or worse or good or bad, is, largely down to our cultures and how we were brought up, not because they ARE better or worse or good or bad! Though I LOVE being back in the UK, having lived for so long in a different culture makes me question bits of my own, that maybe I wouldn’t have questioned had I remained in it. I have discovered the joy that comes in a cross cultural friendship, sometimes misunderstandings may arise, but when you each know the heart of the other, solutions come readily.

Being home recently made me realise how I desperately miss being closer to my family and spending time with them, but returning here again has reminded me of the many amazing people here I am privileged to count as friends – yes and even family, and how blessed I am to be living in this way, however much longer I am to live here, who knows! Only the Lord, but these are memories, experiences and friendships that will never be forgotten! :)  

Wow – my feet are killing! I am not so used to walking up hills anymore! But what a beautiful day! I LOVE having no plans, and ending up wherever I fancy (spot the ENFP in me?) Yesterday it had been snowing all afternoon and evening, it was a wild wild night with huge trees crashing down, but sadly this morning, the snow had only settled on the hills – making them look amazing it must be said! This morning, I walked the ‘Coffin Route’ a rather sobering but beautiful walk - before other churches were consecrated, coffins were carried this way to be buried in the church yard in Grasmere. Rather appropriate for a Holy Week walk I felt. I walked until I came to Grasmere village, and wandered through. After eating my cake, I had some soup and tea, and read more of ‘Red Moon Rising’ – no I hadn’t read it before! When I finished I spotted a sign for Easedale Tarn. I hadn’t even heard of it before, but I decided this was where I was going to walk.

The walk was very flat to begin with, but slowly as I got more onto the footpaths, the walk opened out into the gorgeous hills I love! I had really wanted to have some snow whilst I was in the UK, I am not sure when I last saw snow, but it was at least 2006 if not before! I watched the path get steeper and steeper, it took much longer due to the amount of photos I was taking! Half way up a girl came down clutching a snow ball (well OK it was more of an Iceball, but still!) that was it. She had the bounty and I WANTED it! I walked a bit faster, excited to think that any moment I would round a corner and be faced with a white blanket...but it never came, I turned corner after corner, went over more and more rocks and stones....I began to think that I had imagined it all. Then, after a few more twists and turns, I spotted something glistening! Within the bracken and grass, there were pockets of snow, which was rapidly turning into ice. Like a child I skipped off the path, and began picking it all up, pushing it together in my hands to create a snowball! When others past, I innocently sat down on a nearby patch of (wet!) grass, before leaping up again the minute they had passed to collect more of my precious discovery. As I had been walking to this point, I felt the Lord ask me if I was searching for Him, would I have continued so long? I hope so! As I was gathering, I began to think how like the Holy Spirit this snow was. It was there, in pockets, here and there rather like the way He works. We often look for the ‘big’ thing which is happening, but in doing so, we miss the smaller things which happen all the time as He glistens in the darkness. I was reminded of my tingling feelings for the UK currently. I have found myself drawn to my fellow countrymen, women and children as I have been home this time. I have been hit by the iPhone/Pad age, and am amazed at how many heads are down almost all the time on these gadgets, whilst at the same time being aware so much of the economic climate, and how many people are struggling. I have found myself drawn to pray over many pregnant ladies as they pass me, for the precious life growing in her womb, that that life would always know the Lord and His voice, and his or her parents be drawn to Him too if they do not already know Him. The first time I walked into Canterbury I went under the subway, as I emerged into a busy shopping street, a lump formed in my throat. I was seeing so many people who are so precious, made in His image, but many of whom I am sure have no idea who they are and what they were made to be. As I have Made my way around so many churches in this visit, I have been blessed meeting so many people, hearing stories, one of my churches has planted 4 congregations, into different communities, and are growing. A newly appointed vicar in another was sharing how in his new appointment he is looking forward to helping the church develop a more outward expression of their faith, still another church had a new all age service, which was growing with both children and adults, the end of the service had a beautiful blessing as the congregation prepared to leave ‘People of Kendal we bless you..’ wonderful.  

Here I was, on top of a Lakeland fell, clutching a (very cold!) iceball with glee! I felt I had found the treasure. But somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to put it down, or throw it anywhere, so I carried it all the way down with me. As I went, I periodically looked at it. I realised my little treasure was far from clean. It had all bits of bracken and grass in it sticking out all over, where the Spirit loves to be, in the areas that are not perfect, with people society see as ‘dirty’. I was aware that it was dripping every step I went, and by the time I reached the bottom, I had to wring out my gloves. What a fantastic imagery. That everywhere we go, we drip the Holy Spirit. I found myself praying that I would always be doing that, wherever I go, have hands which are dripping with His love and power.

OK I am giving in! I am supposed to be studying for my first MA assignments, but I am itching to blog!

Having tried to avoid it, I just watched Kony 2012. I had been asked to join a group of students at the college here who had been discussing issues of Justice and had been asked as someone who lives in an area where the LRA have been active, and – albeit only a small amount – worked with some of the children affected in this way to join the discussion, and give views from a different perspective. What a privilege to do that.

Firstly, I want to express my opinion that many organisations often do things which are good, and sometimes which are less good. I am sure that some of Invisible children’s work in the past has been good, it has blessed many people. I don’t know if they come at it from a position of faith or not, but either way, the Lord uses all sorts I believe. In this blog post, I am merely expressing some concerns with the film and campaign, which you may or may not agree with me on!

I have to admit to a concern in the first line or so of the film. ‘This is an experiment’. An experiment in social networking, and whether this is a good medium to raise awareness....again I say – AN EXPERIMENT??! This is a real issue which has affected 1,000’s of children and adults over the last 20+ years. But this is being used as an experiment? Words at this point failed me – which was probably good as I needed watch the rest of the film.

If you have followed my blog or read my link letters, you will know the concerns I have with we Westerners at times. We think we are the ones to ‘save’ the world. We think We are the ones who have answers. We think that unless we are involved, things will never change, children will never be made whole again, things will remain bad. It is simply not true. By focusing so much on one western child as this film does (which in itself you could question the ethics of...) it gives the impression that the only children living a normal happy childhood are in the West. Why could this film not have focused on an African child who has loving parents, a community who care for him or her as a parallel? They are there. Plenty of them.

One of the questions that the students who I was privileged to be with asked was ‘why has it taken so long to do this campaign’. A question I could ask! Especially as the focus of this campaign appears to be Northern Uganda. Northern Uganda has considered itself to be at peace for a number of years now. LRA atrocities have been in other neighbouring countries, although in the last year or so I have heard very little about them. So indeed, to say the ‘time is now’ does seem a little strange.  

Why was nothing focussed on Ugandan initiatives? It would seem that ‘noone knows who Kony is’ (forget the 1,000’s of Africans who know only too well who he is) and that nothing has been done (lots has been done!) After the ‘Aboke girls’ were taken from their school there was a CPA (concerned Parents association) set up. These amazing parents have been advocating for the children taken by Kony for years, going as far as not wanting to see their individual daughter retuned without the others, that is they advocated all together. Although I confess I do not know if they are still active, they have been – and possibly still are - great advocates for peace. There have been campaigns to help the rebels know that they can hand themselves in peacefully, and a good number have done that. But if you didn’t know that, you wouldn’t know it by the end of the film! Why are these things not being encouraged more? Why is it now down to military intervention (which is already in place anyway, it's not a new thing!) in areas which has already seen too much bloodshed? One of my friend in Yei posted an amazing quote from a Catholic Father in the area ‘You cannot heal a land filled with violence with more violence. That may seem like a quick solution, but in the end it only brings more pain and revenge. We need to look to Christ’s true example of reconciliation in order to learn how to heal this land. Forgiveness must exist in the darkness in order to bring about Truth and Light. -Father Martin from Northern Uganda ‘ why were not more of these voices heard in the film?

Watch this film if you chose to. But read around it too. Be open to what is already happening. I am concerned at the quietness of Kony presently, I pray that that is because of a sense of demoralisation (if that is a word) that due to their people surrendering or being killed, the group is small and will not grow to again cause such pain and suffering seen in the past - not because new strategies are being formed and weaponry being gained. We need to pray, there is a spiritual element in this particular battle. As my friend in Yei also suggests, yes advocate. But advocate for a peaceful solution. The red background and the ‘stop at nothing’ concerns me greatly. We fight violence with violence, and does it ever really work? We have seen too much bloodshed – no more, please – no more.

I have said twice to different groups in the last 3 days ‘we Westeners need to change our attitude towards Africa’. This is something I believe with all my heart. Africa is NOT simply a continent (yes, continent, not country!) with many problems. Of course there are challenges abounding – but are you telling me that we do not have those too? Maybe they look different, maybe somehow we have learnt how to hide more. But there is so much richness from Africa that we need to learn here in the West. Will we ever? I think we can....if we are able to change our attitude, learn to walk alongside our brothers and sisters in a different context, and humble ourselves, not to think ‘what can I do to solve this...’ but ‘how can we walk together, to grow and learn as one?’

Went to a training the other day fully prepared to share about surrounding our children in prayer, using scripture to pray over them etc etc. Was NOT prepared to hear the small small whisper of the Holy Spirit in our sung worship time telling me to give a personal testimony! I am always for this if it will help and encourage people, but do not want to elevate myself in any way. But, when I thought back to what this was – as I frantically prayed ‘Lord, are you sure’ it DID fit with the training we were doing. A training on parenting, and Gods heart for it. Stories had come up – many of which would have come up in any country – that broke my heart, children not being understood or valued was at the root of it all. It Fitted. And to share it within a group of my family, Gods family, was fitting. We have to understand more of Gods heart for HIS children, who He has loaned to us.

It also seemed timely as Sam and I had visited a church a week before to encourage them with their children, and I felt compelled to share something there as well. In this church the children presented a song – a very common practice here, lots of other children were watching them. I really had on my heart to share with them Psalm 8:2. This is my ministry verse. The one which powers me to do what I do. The one which makes me feel so frustrated at times. The one which I think we often know, but do not allow to penetrate our very souls. And the one which the Lord made special to me about 8 years ago, and confirmed it again with the testimony I gave in the training. The verse which, I am SURE if we could only fully grasp the sheer awesome-ness of it and release our children – would help us a much different church – and world.

Let me share this testimony with you.

When I worked for SMB church in Canterbury, I would always take myself off for a day each term, to get away from the hustle and bustle, to be quiet with the Lord and seek direction. I would usually take the car, blast some worship music as I drove somewhere remote, read some scripture and go for a walk. This time I had decided that I would try to find the beach named ‘Joss Bay’ – which I had heard was beautiful and had real sand, mostly the beaches around Kent have horrible pebbles. Not so unusually for me, I collected the car and drove – actually having NO idea where this bay was! Just kinda heading sea-ward with a full tank of fuel faithfully....! Amazingly I came across a bay! I wondered if I had found it, so I parked and wandered over to have a look. Ergh – this was stone bay, not really beautiful at all, and not where I had wanted to be! I turned to walk back to the car, when I heard that still small voice again. ‘Ruthie, I want to talk to you here!’ I was honest, ‘well I don’t want to walk here, so we had better find somewhere else!’ but I guess you know who won! I soon found myself climbing down the steps.

This was a period in my life where I was questioning whether the Lord wanted me to be overseas, it was critical that I heard His directing. I walked around the bottom of the cliffs, clambering over rocks – it wasn’t the easiest walk and I had no idea where I was heading. At some stage I became aware of the surroundings, and it was not a pleasant sight. Hundreds, literally of dead crabs, a birds paradise! Shells here, legs there, pincers everywhere....something struck me about these crabs. What was it? Yes – they have armour on. They have protection, but they are still in pieces. As Christians, we have armour...I wasn’t finding this an encouraging walk at all. Were these Christians who had fallen? Mission Partners who had indeed lived and shared life abroad, but returned in less than whole pieces – if they returned at all? I KNEW the Lord was speaking to me, but I didn’t get what He was saying, I found the whole thing very discouraging. Apart from the fact that I DID end up at Joss bay, and it was beautiful!

As I prayed over the next couple of days nothing seemed to come clear to me. I eventually got less persistent, and didn’t press further.

Some months later, maybe even a year, I found myself at All Nations Christian College in preparation for coming to live in South Sudan. Living in community is wonderful on many forms, but it is also a bit like being in a bubble. I used to get myself off on as many walks as I could. But something weird was going on. On EVERY walk I was on, I saw something dead. I am a country bumpkin and I know that this is all part of country life, but the weird thing was, I was noticing them. I KNEW that this was something to do with the Lord, but again, I couldn’t get Him. Finally, one dead there was a tiny dead baby bunny, no obvious reason why this little one had died. This for me was the final straw, so I literally shouted out to the Lord ‘WHAT are you saying?’ only this time....I got it.

Psalm 8:2 that ministry verse which the Lord had revealed in a special way a few years before was about to get a whole lot deeper for me! Out of the mouths of CHILDREN and INFANTS you have ordained praise....to SILENCE the Foe and the Avenger’

As I walked along I heard the Lord say;

            ‘My children are ordained to praise me. In doing so – they silence the enemy. But all around the world [in every country] my children are BEING silenced. They are not being released to do the job they are ordained to do. They are being silenced through ignorance of adults, through fear, through death, through war, poverty, abuse, sickness....’

By this time I had reached the final hill back to college, and I had tears streaming down my face. Although I knew that in only a few weeks time I would be on my way to South Sudan, I renewed my commitment again to dedicate my life to working with children – wherever the Lord chooses that to be. I asked the Lord to take me where He would, and knowing that with my hand in His, I couldn’t go wrong.

This was the testimony I felt led to share that day at our training, and there were many encouraging comments after it. But when will we really see? In the UK we talk about accepting our children ‘unconditionally’ but we don’t. We think we know how worship should be, and therefore the children should fit into that. We make it adultified! We allow our children their role when it suits us.

What are the consequences of this? What would our church look like if we allowed our children to do their Kingdom role, even if it seems the 'wrong time'? I just wonder....my heart aches at times when I see so much unjustice and pain in the world as it is now. Are we allowing the enemy to get more of a foot hold and cause more chaos, because the children are too often misunderstood? We hold ‘church  prayer meetings’ but they are not! They are often held at 8pm at night, that’s an ‘adult prayer meeting’ since most of our children are in bed by then. I could go on....but I will not. I will merely ask the question again: what would our church look like if the children were really released and encouraged to go their God given Kingdom role?

I wrote this a few months ago...and it’s been sitting in my drafts, hopefully it will be followed up with another one soon :)

The other day I was in a conversation which basically outlined the difficulties our children face within the home. As the conversation went on, I became more and more emotional thinking about it all, thinking about our children all over the world who may face difficulties in this area.

AS I thought, I realised that since arriving here, the one thing which we have heard time and time again is ‘How is the ministry with Sunday schools? How is the training going with the Sunday school teachers?’ indeed when I first arrived, THIS was the area everyone wanted us to work within. I don’t think it is so different in the UK! If children’s faith is not so strong, we look to see what they are receiving from church, that must be where the ‘weakness’ lies.

We recently ran a parenting workshop here. It was received SO well, and the stories we heard were eye opening. The participants were the keenest I think I have seen, and even yesterday I went to visit a church and there was one of the participants  sitting outside with one of the books that we had translated on the subject. Very encouraging.

As I thought more though, I allowed my real feelings to take over. I have actually never really liked Sunday school, or the many varying names which is it called. I do not believe it was the Lords intention, although I think He is gracious and has and does move powerfully through it, touching many lives.

Sunday school was set up through a man who had GREAT vision. I used to be very negative about Robert Raikes and say ‘look what he has left us with now – a terrible model’ until a friend used him for a research project – and my eyes were opened to this man of faith and his desire to change what was a terrible situation for children. The children working 6 days a week and receiving no education. THIS is what Sunday school was originally for, yes there was I believe vision for children coming to know Jesus too – but it was mainly a education effort. The results were remarkable though, I remember being told in one city the children arriving holding hands in pairs for early morning prayers at the cathedral, and the adults not knowing what to do with them!

Over the years though, the emphasis has changed. I assume as the law in the UK gradually changed, all children were, by law required to attend school – so I guess Sunday school as it was was no longer needed – but it would seem someone had a bright idea! Why not keep the children out of the main service so the adults can worship in peace! And now, in some churches, especially in larger evangelical ones, the children and the adults are never together in worship. And THAT I find sad. I believe that BOTH children and adults miss out on something special. Yes, it might be good to have some separate teaching, and I understand that many people struggle to teach in an all age way (it is not easy I know) but there are places in the OT which say that children are to be called to teaching along with the adults! I ALWAYS maintain that if adults come with an open heart, anything which is planned so our children can understand and get something meaningful out of the teaching, so can the adults. It’s the ones who come thinking ‘this is for the kids, there’s nothing for me’ who will miss out. I will always remember an father in my church coming up to me after a rather messy alternative style of worship, gently kissing my cheek and thanking me for the teaching – he had never seen it in that way before – and this guy had a PhD in Theology!!! Talk about a humble guy! I thought if he can learn something, so can we all!

I was asked recently to preach at a church here. I felt led to preach on ‘what if’! We looked at the worlds view of status, and how children are low on that, and Gods topsy turvy Kingdom, things being the wrong way up to what we think. What if David had not been allowed to face – and defeat – Goliath when all the adults were too scared to do so? What if Naamans servant girl had not been allowed to share her thoughts, would Naaman have found healing? What if the disciples had ignored the boy with his packed lunch in the feeding of the 5,000...We will never, know, but the chances are the Israelites would have returned to slavery, and Naaman may have never found healing – or indeed faith and maybe there would have been 5000+ hungry folk!

I didn’t then preach this, but I have been thinking since, are there times when we do not allow the children to do what the Lord has called them to do – and are there then consequences? I think there might be....and I think that I will share more in a future post!

I don’t know about you – but I am having a little tingle of excitement for England! So often I hear people say things like ‘you can’t share the gospel/pray/share Christian truths in schools in England...’ well excuse me, I think that you can! It is all down to relationships with the school and pupils and other stakeholders, gentleness and respect! So often what the media has portrayed of ‘Christians’ has been SO negative. Dot Cotton, Harold Bishop, and I remember Nick Cotton once even became a ‘born again Christian’ but it would appear his change of heart was only to win over his mother to kill her..... When you see that this is how Christians are portrayed, judgemental, stick in the muds, boring and dull people – is there no wonder how people have rejected the faith!

Over the years I have heard so many people complain at our ‘secular society’ where we can’t even have Christmas decorations up in towns anymore, it all has to be ‘seasons greetings’ – this does make me sad yes. But also I have heard people of other faiths say that Christians should stand up for their faith a bit more, not in an arrogant or aggressive way, but in a way which means we are not forced to compromise on important things.

However, I am getting a slightly tingling feeling when I think about England and recent weeks! I think that things are a-happening, and it’s well exciting!

Firstly, David Cameron gave a speech. OK you may question some other things which happen in government, but when else have you heard a prime minister in recent years speaking so openly about the Christian faith? You may not agree that England is a Christian country, but to acknowledge that the bible was the foundation for the morals that most of us hold dear, and for our laws....exciting. How good to hear his honesty in being a ‘committed - but I have to say vaguely practising - Church of England Christian, who will stand up for the values and principles of my faith...but who is full of doubts and, like many, constantly grappling with the difficult questions when it comes to some of the big theological issues.’ I suspect that this sums up many people in the UK – so many doubts and questions, but mostly won’t say it publically.

Then the Queen stands up in her Christmas day message and virtually preaches the gospel and gives an opportunity for response! I have long felt that she has a deep faith, and what she shared on Christmas day was amazing.

 “God sent into the world a unique person - neither a philosopher nor a general, important though they are, but a Saviour, with the power to forgive.

Forgiveness lies at the heart of the Christian faith. It can heal broken families, it can restore friendships and it can reconcile divided communities. It is in forgiveness that we feel the power of God's love.

In the last verse of this beautiful carol, O Little Town Of Bethlehem, there's a prayer:

O Holy Child of Bethlehem,
Descend to us we pray.
Cast out our sin
And enter in.
Be born in us today.

It is my prayer that on this Christmas day we might all find room in our lives for the message of the angels and for the love of God through Christ our Lord.”

Good for her! What an amazing message of hope and light  into so many homes in England – and indeed around the world! Two high profile leaders of our country standing up and speaking for our faith! Wow! I then was chatting on the phone to a friend in the UK who is just getting into being a street pastor. She was sharing that the police have seen such a difference in the places which street pastors are working, that they are encouraging other forces where street pastors are not running to talk to the local churches to ask them to start it! Again – amazing....

Something is afoot I believe! I have long wondered why I am working so far away when children in my own country are living in many different situations, sexualisation of our children as shown in the bailey report, some of the unhappiest children in the ‘developed world’ as other reports have shown and we need children’s workers too....but maybe, just maybe God has it all in hand (will I ever learn this, I am starting to think if I haven’t after 36 years, I may never....!)! I am certainly excited to see what might be happening over the next few years!

OK so I should be writing a budget, doing my washing, tidying up or finishing making the soup which is boiling on my stove (better taste good, it took me all day to get into the pumpkin!) but no...in the true spirit of procrastination...I am writing a blog!

On Sundays afternoon here there is a fellowship of people meeting, it can be quite transient as people come for short term, but there are also a great bunch of people at the core who are here longer term. It is not exclusively for ex-pats although usually these are the people we find here.

I am usually leading the worship more than the bible study, as there are only 2 of us regularly there to do so, but today I was leading the study. As I had been blessed this morning with 2 little girls accompanying me to church, then announcing proudly that they were coming to my house, whereupon we made cinnamon rolls – at about 3 times the time it usually takes....I didn’t have the time I had been planning on using to prepare to prepare – but by heck I had a fun morning!!

We are working through Acts, and have had some really good studies & discussions on it! Today we were in Acts 6 – and I got thinking about a couple of things! One thing which hit me was that the apostles needed more time to ‘preach the word’ and less time to deal with giving out food to those who needed it (WFP – the World food programme had not yet been formed it was pointed out!) What struck me was that when the ‘food monitors’ were appointed, they were to be people who were ‘well respected and full of the Spirit and Wisdom’ not qualities you may think are needed to dish out food to the needy – AND they had hands laid on them to do this work! How fantastic! We talk about ‘all ministries being important’ but I think often in reality we see that there IS often a difference in how people are treated, those who obviously speak and preach the word are often placed on more of a pedestal than those who work behind the scenes in the kitchen (for example) ensuring those people and people listening to them are well fed physically too. But here, the expectation was high! GO on a bit further, and we realise that the first Christian Martyr was a food monitor!! Though he had been ‘performing amazing miracles and signs’ - again – do we usually associate those with a ‘visible’ ministry? Food (haha!) for thought I wonder!

But as I read more, I found myself finally working out something that I hadn’t fully managed to work out in my mind before! I would like to point out that I am not criticising anyone who is in this position (I have many friends and indeed family members who are – and who I know have been called by the Lord into this kind of leadership, of fellowships etc) nor do I want to cause arguments on this point, I think it can be something that we can foolishly spend time arguing over, and miss the real point of what we are called to do – however I do not think that discussion is wrong! Over the years, many people have told me that they think I should be ordained, indeed Elly my supervisor and great friend here has suggested it a number of times, though I think he has given up now, and my mother remains firmly in the belief one day I too will be collared (sorry mum – will be surprised...!) There was a time about 13 (yikes!) years ago when I like to say ‘I fought the Lord on this one and won’.....except to be honest I know now I simply misheard him in the first place!

Now I know I can be a little stubborn, and one of my stubbornness’s is that because I am a woman – (who are often put a little lower than men in such things) I feel that I have a ministry (as does everyone else!) and I am already ordained by the Lord to do what He has called me to do (I am not talking being a ‘Mission Partner’ but my general children’s ministry) – I do not need a special collar to show that - I know my identity in Christ, and am comfortable in that.

I found myself wondering as I read this passage whether we are still stuck in an OT method in the way we ‘ordain’ clergy to be priests in some traditions (my own included!) I have NO problem in leaders being ordained to lead over a flock, that is very biblical, and we need leaders, and they in themselves are God ordained. But in the OT times, we needed the priests to intercede on our behalf, we couldn’t approach the throne room of God – priests would go into a special area called the Holy of Holies in the temple, they had a role tied around their ankles in case the wrath of the Lord killed them and they needed to be pulled out (as no one else could go in to get them!) PRAISE the good Lord, that through Jesus we now can come to Him without fear or trembling, but openly, wherever we are, whatever we have or haven’t done, and know that He is good and gracious and will always love us.

As I looked in my small concordance at the back of my bible, I noted that pretty much all the mentions of priests in the NT were about our Most High Priest (Jesus) or corporate – ie we are a priesthood of believers. Ephesians 4 talks of the 5 fold ministry, where some are pastors, and in other scriptures we read of elders. There was nothing else (that I saw anyway!).

I have often struggled with the thinking that there are certain things only a priest can do – baptising babies (though I believe in an emergency situation anyone could do it....or at least Medical personnel in hospital – which makes one wonder, why is that then OK.....?) or blessing the bread and wine (which if you read an earlier post you will see I have questioned bits about this too).... Is this biblical?  Is this not for all believers?

Which got me thinking.....are we – as humans – in our not 100% fully understanding Gods ways mode....still in an OT thinking mode of working....often unintentionally putting some as higher than others....treating people differently....when we should be laying hands on all people in ministry, and having our own God ordained leaders or Elders to lead us into all the Lord has for us, but not in the form of a ‘priest’...that somehow we feel that we need to have to fit into what our human minds can understand? Are we missing a point? I don’t know, but I am wondering!

A friend just sent me a report! It was an ethical consumer research report. And it made for interesting reading (though I confess I am  nowhere finished with it – it is long, but I hope it will impact me when I reach the UK shores again and once again face the world of too many shops and too many products to chose from). The report looks at – not surprisingly given its name – how ethical our supermarkets are. I was not surprised to see the bottom 3, Netto, ASDA and Tesco, nor was I surprised by the top 2, Co-op and M&S, though I WAS surprised that still, neither of them reached over 50%!

I was reading an English Newspaper a few weeks out of date now which a friend brought over here, it was an edition just after the riots in the UK. I was interested to read in one article something like ‘Young people in Egypt and Libya are fighting for democracy, freedom and the ability to choose for themselves, whilst our young people are rioting for flat screen TV’s.’ I was also interested to read that many people in the courts were not in fact from ‘deprived backgrounds’ at least not where money was concerned.

How am I linking these things? A good question, my mind often links things that are not always so obvious. I was thinking that often times what I hear the question of ethical buying coming up (and please do not hear this as a judgemental thing, I think I have been heard to say similar things in the past) ‘we can’t afford to buy fair-trade / ethically produced products as they cost so much more’. Indeed I always imagine Booths (you’ve got to be a northerner to know Booths stores!) M&S and Waitrose to be expensive places, so I might not shop there often if at all. Somehow we always manage to make our consciences clear, and not worry about the face, the individual behind the unfair purchase we might be making. Then I wonder....why can we not afford them? Is it because to afford to buy the things which we know would make for a fairer world, and one where we are not damaging the environment for the generations to come, we would have to deprive ourselves of something that we might want? Trips to the cinema/pub/latest fashions/phones in my book, these things are not wrong, but they are not needs. Can we honestly say that we can’t afford to buy these seemingly more expensive items, because if we did we cannot afford our absolute bare essentials? I am not sure we always can. We seem to want so much.

I know that mining for minerals (tungsten, tantalum and tin) for our mobile phones fuels war in Congo – I think they are also used in laptops. But when I bought the phone I needed to get to get onto a SIM only contract last year in the UK – did I ask and enquire about how it was made, where these resources come from? No I didn’t – why not? I don’t know, maybe I didn’t think about it, maybe I subconsciously pushed it to the back of my mind so I didn’t think about it – I wanted to be able to contact people and talk with them whilst I was at home.

Just after Christmas I visited a coffee plantation in Kenya – this one had a sticker announcing that coffee grown here is drunk in starbucks stores! Many of the party here were posing for photos by the sticker – I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Someone in the party asked our guide if they received a fair price for their coffee, he evaded the question nicely. I have a friend whose family works in this industry, she tells me that they receive a disgustingly low wage for a job which is hard work, I can believe that. I cannot understand why in these places all coffee is not fair-trade, which I know is still only a start towards a better, fairer world.

I won’t lie - I ‘like’ Tesco, I ‘like’ George in Asda, I ‘like’ Starbucks by that I mean I like many of the products that I see in the stores, I like chilling and drinking with friends. I have known for long that they are not the best, but never really seen evidence. Now, what will I do when I am home? In my home town, we do not have Waitrose, Co-op, Sainsburys, hooray for M&S. Maybe I will have to switch allegiance to shopping there, and truly decide what I ‘need’, to work towards a fairer world.